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in media res [userpic]
by in media res (bought_and_sold)
at December 19th, 2006 (12:52 am)
current mood: far too awake

I just joined, and I would like to post a brief intro and then a not-so-brief question, of sorts.

My name is Britney and I’m twenty-one. My life has been injected, intertwined with magick ever since I was very, very young. I’ve always had a sense of a certain universal energy, a oneness or connection of everything that Is (though I’ve always felt, with some distress, that it’s close to being severed), and I’ve always known how to tap in. One of my earliest childhood memories is an astral jaunt around the ceiling of my playroom and out in my backyard whilst my mortal body napped on the couch. I’ve always felt a strong bond with nature (and thankfully, was raised out in the county and homeschooled, so I could cultivate this), and though my parents are of the Christian faith, I never felt it was “right” for me. Nor did I properly associate with Wicca or any of the “typical” Pagan religions. In the past two or three years, I’ve come to trust in my own Knowing, and make my own path—but the fae and all manner of faerie faith found me along the way, and today they’re a strong part of my spirituality. I believe that some of us are souls sent over from the other realm, and that Faerie is embodied in all of us at points in our lives.

So. Yes. Hi. :D




I was wondering if any of you have a “problem” with attracting people. I don’t mean in the sense that it’s difficult to get someone to like you… I mean in the sense that it’s difficult to get people to leave you alone!

People seem to feel drawn to me—-especially if they’re strange, themselves. I am not trying to be indelicate, but I often find myself being followed about by odd men (and the occasional woman), people who would typically be considered to be mentally unwell, and less often (probably because their parents prevent them), children.

It’s not a problem, in and of itself (I have met some wonderful people and had some amazing experiences), but sometimes a person will come onto me with such intensity as to be frightening. And while it’s not usually sexual, it’s…well, it’s hard to explain. I have been followed through stores, had my hand held by or my time occupied with the life stories of complete strangers, been clung to by children I’ve only just met…that sort of thing. It’s delightful and disturbing at the same time.

Add to this that people I date have a tendency to develop strong feelings for me, much more quickly than I’m comfortable with. They tend to…pine, even though I am as straightforward about my intentions and future plans as possible. I don’t think I’m being any more verbally candid with them than another person might—-indeed, I’m quite a private person.

I love to make people happy even if for a moment, and I like that I am apparently such a welcoming person, myself. The implied compliments are good for the ego, too. xD

But then again, I am usually perplexed and a bit perturbed by such connections, and they drain me-—sometimes I become lethargic and stop wanting to leave the house when I’ve had too much human contact. And I hate giving people the wrong idea; I don’t like having to cut people off because they’re being too insistent.

It’s hard for me to talk to my friends about this, and certainly I can’t discuss it with my family. They immediately come to the conclusion that I’m being egotistical and vain. And while I am both of these things, ahem…I’m not, in this. If it’s a gift, I never asked for it and I’m not sure what to do with it.

If anyone else has felt this way, again, I’d like to hear your stories. And if anyone has any advice on how to temper the “come say hi!” vibes, that would also be appreciated.

Comments

Posted by: Professor Vining (bluegodjanus)
Posted at: December 19th, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC)
silver arm

I do that sometimes. People just like me. Even if I don't like a person and am kind of a dick to the person, it still usually decides to like me. Fortunately I have a great skill at being dismissive to people I don't want attention from. :)

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